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Leadership Communication – Listening | Keynote Speaker
Jim Cathcart (Keynote Speaker): Here’s a very important key to meeting with success. It falls to what may be called the so obvious, it’s overlooked category. The key is listening. As obvious as it seems, listening is vital to conducting or participating in meeting successfully. If you’re like me, you probably received the old two-part training course in listening. Part 1 shut up, Part 2 and listen. Did you get that one too? That technique is not efficient enough for our purposes because it means we’re only going to receive the sounds made by another person. Not necessarily the message those sounds were intended to share. Listening is more than being silent.
Listening is wanting to hear. Listening is seeking the message. As a meeting participant, a person develops the mastery of human interaction. I suggest that you learn to listen strategically. Okay, what do I mean by listening strategically? Listening strategically means there’s an underlying purpose for your listening and you are aware of that purpose. It means preparing yourself to listen to what counts. Let me give you an example of what I mean. Suppose you’re attending a speech or some other special presentation. You can get together with the presenter ahead of time. Something by the way that very few people do.
You might tell the presenter, “Hey, I understand you will be covering this subject. I wonder if I can get you to focus on these two aspects of it.” Then you mention the topics which interest you the most. If you do this, the speaker is far better able to address your needs. Speakers love to get this kind of guidance. Although, it never happens. You might say, “Hey, during your speech will you be telling us about A, B or C?” If the speakers says, “No, I am not able to do that.” Then maybe you can get your questions right then or perhaps talk to the speaker afterwards. Or you might just ask is there any part of your presentation that I should really listen to carefully for some ideas on this topic?
What you really doing is this, you’re preparing yourself to concentrate on the things that count. To listen strategically, not just to hear the sounds but to get the ideas that makes a difference for you. Listening strategically is as essential to successful meetings. As it is to just basic human interactions. It is managing not just your hearing but your desire to hear. To actually get yourself to want to hear when you otherwise might not be inclined to do so. We touched on this before but according to Doctor Limon Stein whose expert in the field of listening. The average listening efficiency immediately after hearing is 50%.
Not think about that for a second. You just heard something and you retained on average about half of it? Within two days the typical retention is down to 25%. What does it say to you about the last minute meeting you held with someone? [laughing] Chances are good that even if that meeting was only two days ago, only one quarter of what you said is still remembered. To understand this better you need to realize that there’s a big difference between thinking speed and speaking speed. We think a whole lot faster than we talk. So when we’re listening that is thinking to someone else’s talk. It’s easy for our minds to become a little bored.
Consequently, a listener tends to daydream to tune it in and out. To hear only part what someone is saying. We do this dozens of times even in a brief conversation. But when you listen carefully, attentively and strategically there are tremendous benefits. You develop more trust in those you meeting with. Because listening is the best compliments you can pay someone. You’re exchange of information is more honest, more complete and more effective. Above all, you’re better able to produce a positive outcome. To become a better listener you have to first of all recognize and guard against what I call listening detours.
For example, there are listening detours of internal distraction. Supposed you’re sitting there and the chair is really uncomfortable. You start shifting and squirming in the seat. Internal distraction. Or you’re sitting there and you start thinking, “I don’t feel so good or I’d like to take off and go to the beach today.” Or “Boy, lights are bright in here.” So these are all internal distraction that are taking you away from what’s going on. Interfering with your ability to listen. Then there are also external distractions such as people walking by and people talking in the meeting room. A clock where you can see it and you start looking at the clock instead of the speaker. Disturbing sounds coming from the outside and so forth. You can control both the internal and external distractions to some degree. If you learn how to handle them. But it takes concentration and concentrations require purpose. If you don’t have the reason to concentrate, you won’t. The best way to do this is to determine why are you attending the meeting in the first place? Before you even go, let’s say the speakers is going to talk about a subject that relates to project you’re working on. Think to yourself, I might just pick up a couple of tips that might help me on this project. Think about how you might be able to improve things by getting those ideas. Then you’ve given yourself a reason or a purpose not only for being there but for paying attention for what speakers say.
That takes some work. You need to think about the connection between what you’re doing and what they’re going to be covering. Defining your purpose for attending a meeting will do several things for you. It will help establish a framework for your participation. It will effect on how you’re going to listen. It will help you overcome the internal and external distractions. Okay? Now let me give you a several guidelines for improving your listening skills. First, whenever possible give feedback to the person who’s speaking. Nod, make a sound and asked a few questions. Second, listen between the lines. Listen to what they’re trying to tell you.
Not just words they’re using to do it. So many people become technical listeners. I miss you so and so…that previous statement you said working with organizations. Do you mean working with organization on a contractual basis? Or do you mean working with the organization actually as an employee? That’s nit-picking, hey [laughing]. The words the speaker uses are there on a purpose. The purpose is to convey meaning. So if you’re listening strategically, you’re not listening to merely words. You’re listening to the meaning behind the words. Listening to the meaning behind the words or listening between the lines helps you determine the speaker’s motive as well as your own.
A third guideline to improve your listening skills is free your mind of evaluative thoughts. Ask yourself instead, what’s the speaker’s purpose? Try to figure out what’s the speaker’s point of view is? Where is he or she coming from? What’s their perspective? Fourth, listen for attitudes. Our behaviour is a reflection of our attitudes and our point of view. Our attitudes are shaped by our motives or there are purpose. So listen for attitude and see how people seem to think or feel about an issue. See if you can go beyond that. Not only discover their attitudes but also their motives or their purpose.
People reveal their attitudes in sometimes simple comments about other people. For example, someone says something about another person response, “oh that was bright!” [laughing] Well you know that kind of sarcastic wisecrack can really show a lack respect for the other person. Someone might say something like, “Doesn’t he realized that this is never going to work?’ See that kind of comment demonstrates a close mind. Avoid giving that kind of negative feedback. Instead provide a more open setting. One in which a person feels free to express opinions, share ideas and attitudes without recriminations.
Rather than just blurting out, “ah that will never work.” Say, ‘that’s an interesting approach but what about this side of the problem. Could you give us your ideas on that? Now how do you deal with negative feedback? Well first of all, you have to know that there are two forms of it. First, there are emotional reactions such as interrupting someone speaking over the other person, arguing or criticizing. These actions are used in listening but there actions that are immediately put the speaker on the defensive. If you’re going to learn someone’s motives, you have to keep cool and stay away from those emotional reactions.
The other form of negative feedback is the non-verbal. It includes things like frowning, rolling your eyes, shaking your head back and forth to indicate no. Yawning or anything else that shows disgust or disapproval. These are all direct non-verbal insults to the person who’s speaking. There are several ways to eliminate negative feedback. First and foremost, smile. Force yourself to smile and you find that you probably feel better. Did you just smile when I just said that? Did you notice that at least to a small degree you started to feel a little better? It works! It’s corny I know but it’s true. When you smile you can’t help but feel a little better.
A second way to eliminate negative feedback is to give your speaker your undivided attention. Put down any distraction materials you may be holding and focus only on the person who’s speaking. Occasionally nod your head to show that you’re hearing the ideas.You’re not necessarily indicating approval of the ideas. But it will demonstrate that you’re listening and following. Next empathize. I think the single best trait of a good listener is empathy.
Empathy is understanding how the other person feels. They may say, I understand how why you feel that way. I can see your point of view. I hear what you’re saying. Comments like these tells the speaker you’re trying to be fair to see their side of the issue even if you don’t agree with it. Use the think as if technique. Just thinks as if you were the other person. Ask yourself, “How will I feel with this situation?” Whenever it’s appropriate ask questions to keep your listening involve and on track. You can either ask open-ended question which are the kinds that requires thought answers This have to be answer with more than a yes or no.
Or you can ask a close-ended question. A close ended question would be, how many were there? Or the answer will be six, ten, 40 or whatever and the interchange is over. Question asked, question answered, minimal information exchanged. Open-ended questions would be, why do you think there were not enough? The answer like that might come back like, well there were two people assigned to the project because we broke it down into 3 phases which yada, yada Speaker goes on from there. You see an open-ended question requires a total different kind of reaction. The person has to think about the issue.
Response and answers to questions like who, what, when, where, why and how? By contrast the close-ended questions require almost no thought. Just an exchange of data. They give really little information and they’re usually one or two words response. Equally important open-ended questions let you know more about the speaker himself or herself. Because responses to open-ended questions reveals the speaker’s opinions. Okay, Then on this matter of questions how do you question appropriately? Visualize a funnel with a broad top that filters and separates material poured into it.
Then it results to tiny little spout at the end. With a fine pure extract that’s coming from that spout. Now, what you want to do in asking questions is like that funnel. But broad open and general questions at the top. Non-threatening questions, questions that easy to answer without a great deal of though. Like what’s your opinion on this? Did you expect this results when you first began to study? Those kinds of questions. These allow people to get comfortable in the dialogue. Then just like shifting down through that funnel, progress with questions that are more specific and more targeted as you go along.
So by the end of the discussion you’re able to ask a very specific, very pointed detailed questions that gets exactly the information you need. Then the other person is already comfortable giving those types of answers. Actually, you’re allowing them to broaden their comfort zone in delivering the information to you. Let me give you an example, suppose someone is presenting a new demographic report on the types of people who buy your company’s product or service. The report identifies potential new costumers, their ages, incomes, habits and so forth. So your first questions might be, what’s your opinion on the study?
Do you think the trends that the study identifies really significant or just facts? Begin with very general questions and then get a little more specific. Like, is this happening nationwide or just on our area? Is this happening primarily among the 30-49 aged groups? Or is it across the board with all age groups? Keep getting more and more specific with your questions until you’ve learn what it is you want to know. How strong is this trend in the Sun Belt among people over fifty? How is it affecting teenagers in the mid-west? So begin with easy questions once you know the other person can answer comfortably.
That builds confidence, puts them at ease and then you move to the more needy greedy questions. By the way, make sure that your questions are sincere. After you asked a question, concentrate on the answers and look at the other person while he replies. Don’t turn to someone else to remark on something in the middle of it. Remain silent and don’t interrupt. When he finishes his answer, acknowledge it with a nod of your head or brief word or two. People need feedbacks. I believe that active careful listening demonstrates that you really care about how people feel in what they have to say.
That makes the whole meeting go better. Because these people feels the desire to be involved. As matter a fact, care is good word to help you remember the steps in listening, C-A-R-E. The C is for concentrate. The A is for acknowledge which means to give feedback. Show the person you heard them. Give them “Aha”, “Oh, Gee!. Somehow give them feedback so they know that they’re getting through. You can also do this through eye contact. Anything that gives an indication that you are with them. C and A, concentrate and acknowledge.
R is restate, replay what they said in your own words. For example, “Oh Bob! Let me see if I can sum this up in my own words”. Then you paraphrase it. Repeating it back to him to see if you truly did understand what he shared with you. C-A-R, concentrate, acknowledges and restate. E is for empathize. Empathize by thinking as if you were the other person. Showing them that you understand their feelings. C-A-R-E, when you show that you care people tends to care more about talking with you. You see people don’t care about what you know until they know you care about them and what they have to say.
Another way to use questions to aid your listening is to ask questions to help qualify what someone says. [background music throughout] Ask questions to redirect the other person back to the main point or to bridge differences of opinion. For example you might say, “Why do you feel that way? Or “Here’s why I feel that way.” How come that you feel that way I feel too?We’ve talk about developing our own listening skills. But there are several other methods to help other even other people to improve their listening. For example, if you’re in charge of a meeting, get a meeting room that’s conducive to good listening.
On way it’s not hard to pay attention. Evaluate the room for its lack of distractions. If the meeting room will be quite large, have the people sit in the front rows. Then fill up the back rows last. You might even rope off the back rows until the front ones are filled. Ask those who arrived late or leave early to sit near the door so they don’t distract the others. If you’re the presenter, evaluate your presentation. Do you speak with enough volume? Are you clear? Is there an organized pattern so people can follow the way you talk and deliver your information? Do you give an overview of what you’re going to talk about?
Do you provide enough reminders so that people remembers the point you were making? Is your vocabulary level at the same level as your audience? It’s really insulting when you over power an audience by using big lofty $5,000 words trying to sound more sophisticated and important. When you know that more simple words can be used to communicate better. Improving your own listening skills includes aware of and eliminating irritating listening habits you may have. What are your irritating listening habits? Think about it. How many of these have you been guilty of lately? Do you manipulate the conversation?
Do you interrupt a lot? Do you tend not look at the speaker? To play with paper or pens than paying attention when nice talking. What about you facial expressions? Do you have a poker face when you’re listening? Do you seldom smile? Do you really give nonverbal feedback? Are you in the habit of changing the other person’s words around and putting words in their mouth? Do you ever catch yourself asking a question that’s just been explained? There’s no quicker, more embarrassing way to show that were not listening. Do you argue with everything that comes up? Do you constantly interrupt with your own stories?
Or get things off attention, hey why you hear what happened to me? Do you ever have the tendency to finish other people’s sentences for them? What about staring at the window while others are talking? Or worse, fixing your eyes on them and staring them down? Do you make negative type gestures or movements so your body language makes the other person think you were constantly saying, No! Do you ever question the truthfulness of what they’re saying? If it’s done blatantly, calling a person a liar or an idiot. What about overdoing your feedback constantly nodding, shaking your head everything you say is aha, aha, aha.
Or frequently looking at your watch or the clock while someone is talking as if to you want to say, aren’t you through yet? Are you completely distant or withdrawn while the other person speaks? Do you ever act as if you were doing him a favour by talking to him at all? Do u act as if you know it all? Frequently telling instances in which you were the hero? Have you ever been guilty of these irritating listening habits? Every time I go over these lists, I catch myself on another one or two. It seems like it’s always a different one. We all tend to fall on some of these habits on occasion. But if were conscious of them and if we realized that his diminishes our ability to get results.
We will be less likely to do these things. We will be a lot more pleasant to talk with, listen to and to work with. Listening strategically is important skill in active meeting participation. As we’ve already seen, it is also important in passive meeting participation and in active participation. You may remember its non-participation.
Passive participation on the other hand is participation in a meeting. Although it’s not by taking an active role it’s just the way of participating without taking the lead. Example, note taking, gathering information and mind mapping which is a note taking technique. Making observation and communicating via non-verbal cue that’s passive participation. One who passively participates and then contributes to the meeting is a vital part of the meeting. One who is a non-participant simply sits there and does absolutely nothing. Making no contributions and absorbing very little information.
Those people are distracting the speakers. Let’s take a close look at some of these forms of passive participation. A thing that I mentioned is mind mapping. It’s a technique that you put on your paper the central idea of being discussed. You right it a circle in the middle of your page. Then you draw from that circle little lines like branches from a tree extending from the circle from all directions. On each line, each branch you write a point that was related to the central idea covered in the meeting. Each branch then has little twigs extending out of it which carries the supporting points on each of the other points that has been made.
Now picture it in your mind, you’ve got a circle in the center of the page. Out from it, comes little branches and off the branches are little twigs. Each branch and each twig contains a word or a phrase. The word is a point that is covered and the twigs has words on them are the supportive points that illustrates the main points. Try writing it out on paper and it’s a little bit harder to grasp if you’re only listening to this. But draw your own mind map about what I’ve been talking about several minutes about listening. One branch might say irritating listening habit. A couple little twigs out of it might be some of those listening habits you caught yourself doing.
What will happen is as you do the mind mapping technique, you will create something that to anyone else looks like a confusing mess. But to you it really organizes everything you heard. By following what you’ve written from the center circle out along each branch through the twigs. You can easily follow the organization the speech. Try a couple of times; it really speeds up your note taking often as much as 5x faster. By the way, I have to warn you that before you share it with someone else, be sure to translate the notes into a regular outline format. Or the other person will go crazy trying to figure out what you wrote.
Another form of passive participation is making observations. You look past the roles people are playing in the meeting such as chairperson or active participant. Then you make some observations to yourself of what they might call hidden agendas. A hidden agenda is someone’s desire goals or actions that may not have anything to do with the meeting’s agenda. For example, a meeting is called to decide which advertising campaign to go with. There are three different ideas, 3 different sets of theme lines and commercials, so forth. One person in the meeting seems to always be approaching it from a different direction than the other participants.
His comments don’t seem to relate to any of the three ideas on hand or at least not their relative merits. He’s just going to the motions and if you look into his mind you might discover he’s got his own fourth idea. That he would like to be chosen. Maybe his idea has been examined and discarded earlier. So while he awkwardly appears to be helping with the decision between the three advertising ideas. His hidden agenda is to keep still stalemate so his fourth idea can be revived again. You get the point? Now it doesn’t have to be as Mackeavelean and all that. The person with the hidden agenda might just be trying to get its own pet project or ideas out in the open.
His ideas may have nothing to do with the purpose of the meeting but he’s trying to bring it up anyway. This kind of behaviour can seriously interfere with the meetings progress. A good way to deal with it is simply confronting the person. You might pull him aside and say, Hey George the subject were concerned with and the subject you seemed to be talking about don’t appear to match. It sounds that what you’re concerned about is another issue that’s not even related to this meeting. Why don’t you and I discuss your idea right after this meeting is over? Let’s focus on the reason for being here now, okay?
As you can see with hidden agendas, passive participation includes reading beyond the spoken words. It means reading the ideas and the true messages behind the spoken words. It also means being aware of the political undercurrents. Every group has its own form of politics and some people are [00:25:00] making suggestions, asking questions or making comments. Just to reinforce a certain position or add importance to something else. If you can develop your ability to sense those things and recognize when it happens. You will be prepared to deal with them. Another form of passive participation is guiding the discussion just by responding with non-verbal cues.
For example, if you respond to something the speaker says with a look of confusion, you can influence his presentation. When he notices the look, he will probably take a few moments to elaborate. If he doesn’t, you can move over to more active participation by restating the presenter’s points and redirecting the discussion or summarizing or whatever.You might say, “Excuse me, but I am not sure if I understood that last point.” Your first response non-verbally and if that doesn’t work then respond verbally. Overall though I’d suggest that the best way to listen strategically is just decide before you even go into the room. That you’re going to be the best audience member in the entire group.
Just making that decision can improve your listening by as much as 100%. Active strategic listening produces good results. More accurate information and it develops trust with people. It promotes a more open, honest exchange of information and you get a more positive sense of control over the outcomes in the results of any meeting. [background music plays throughout] Active listening strategic listening is an essential skill in both active and passive participation. It’s essential to the art of meeting with success and more importantly it is essential to mastery of positive human interaction.
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For more information contact Jim Cathcart or Cathcart Institute, Inc. at http://Cathcart.com